


Kill the crows, judge the heavens and bring him back

by Akiko_kitsune



Category: Gintama
Genre: Coma, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 21:24:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14881470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_kitsune/pseuds/Akiko_kitsune
Summary: After the fight with Gintoki, Takasugi fell into a coma. It brought him some good dreams, but he had to wake up from them.





	Kill the crows, judge the heavens and bring him back

**Author's Note:**

> I will never thank enough Selyann for all care she's giving my fics - from reading and reviewing, to beta reading them.

Breathing was almost too hard. Everything hurt. Takasugi couldn't move. But slowly all those feelings started to fade.

Was he dying?

At last?

"Had a bad dream?"

This voice.

Everything stopped, and when he breathed in again he was overwhelmed by everything around him. By the softness under his head. By the grass under his fingers. By some flowery scent around him. By the light breeze.

Where was he?

Heaven?

Had Gods let him in despite everything he had done?

A dream?

Finally a nice one? Or would everything turn bad so quickly he wouldn't have time to prevent it?

Slowly, he opened his eyes. Part of him didn't want it; he was afraid it would wake him up. But when he did that, he was still fast asleep. He could see Shouyou's face.

Either it was heaven or it was still haunting him.

He could breathe freely. He didn't feel any pain. Maybe all that had never happened. Maybe he’d had a bad dream after falling asleep with his head on Shouyou's lap.

"You can tell me about it," his master spoke again, gently stroking his forehead.

He could always tell him about anything. Shouyou would always listen.

Everything was fine now. He didn't want to think about that what had happened before he closed his eyes. He pushed it away.

All he wanted was to stay longer in this moment.

He missed his voice so much.

He missed him so much.

Takasugi reached out his hand towards him. He could touch him. He was really there. They both were. Takasugi tangled his fingers in Shouyou’s hair. It didn't feel real. He tried to push this feeling away. Fall deeper into his memories.

"Remember", Takasugi started, "when you fell asleep and Zura and I put flowers in your hair?"

"I couldn't get them out for a week."

"You looked so beautiful." Shouyou kept quiet, so Takasugi went on. "I know it was just us children fooling around. But... You were mesmerizing. I couldn't take my eyes off you. It was then that I started to understand I had feelings for you. You are my first and never-ending crush."

"And here we are, again on the same lea. Why did you want us here?"

"Maybe I wanted you to get mad at me." He shifted from his knees. He was beginning to remember why he was there. It was too soon. He wanted to stay for a little longer.

Takasugi smiled. He got a stupid idea. If they were here, he could... He took a flower and put it in Shouyou’s hair.

"Do you really want me to get mad at you?"

Takasugi laughed but kept doing it. It had been a while since he’d felt this happy. He wanted it to last.

Why wasn't he happy? He spent all of his time with Shouyou, didn’t he? There was no way he could leave his side even for a day.

For a moment he had forgotten about everything that happened. It wasn’t unusual in Shouyou’s presence, but even in dreams, this state couldn't last.

He stopped.

It was all stupid.

"I wanted to see you again..." He looked down. It was all so stupid. He should be doing something else rather than dreaming. He should wake up. He looked up at Shouyou again. He was still there. Smiling gently at him. With some flowers in his hair. Beautiful as always. "You aren't real."

How long had he been seeing only hallucinations and dreams?

How many times had he thought about cutting his wrist just to see him? Or cutting a bit deeper to be with him forever. It might be stupid, but he thought that if Shouyou was in every dream of his, then maybe he would accompany him even in hell.

Takasugi coughed. Gasped desperately for air. Suddenly his body wanted to show him that it was in some other place and something was happening to it. So what? Couldn't he even dream in peace?

He raised his gaze, searching for Shouyou. He was still here. Reaching his arms out towards his student.

Takasugi fell into them. He didn't have the strength to stand on his own anymore. He didn't want to look for this strength anymore.

"It's okay, breathe. You can do it," Shouyou murmured, stroking his back and keeping Takasugi’s head on his shoulder so he could breathe. "In, out. In, out. Good. I knew you could do it. I'm proud."

Shouyou was all his strength. The only thing that kept pushing him forward. And at the same time, Takasugi only wanted to hold onto him and stay still, let go of every responsibility, every war, every promise. He couldn't do it even if he wanted to. Maybe disciples of Shouyou weren't capable of doing that. They could only push forward, keep making promises, saving people and letting them down. For them, there was no place to stop.

Takasugi held tighter onto Shouyou. Only for a few more minutes. For a few more breaths. Then he would wake up and keep pushing forward. Only a few more minutes.

"Are you mad at me, sensei?" Takasugi asked. "I killed people. I went to war. I started one. For you… Sensei… I think I'm dying..."

He looked at Shouyou’s face. He was still smiling softly. Takasugi couldn't imagine him being mad at them. He had never been. Maybe because they had only been kids back then and he had a lot of patience for them.

"You know... I got into a fight with Gintoki again."

Still, he didn't react.

"We strayed so far from your teachings."

Nothing.

"How would you look at me now?"

Still no reaction.

Maybe if they ever met again, he would be smiling like this too. Maybe the paths they had chosen didn't matter to him. They could go astray if they kept fighting their way in the direction they wanted to go. Maybe he would hear them out, like he always had; maybe he would support them, like he always had; maybe he would comfort them, like he always had...

They needed him so much.

Takasugi needed him.

"Are you really dead?"

"What do you think?" Shouyou spoke at last.

"That you aren’t."

"Hm... Didn't you see me die?" He reached his hand out to Takasugi's crushed eye. It didn't hurt anymore. Even when he touched it, traced it with his fingers. It didn’t hurt.

Takasugi had kept putting the bandage on it because it had still ached. Even in his dreams, even when he tried to numb everything by drinking. It would always hurt so much.

Maybe now he was drowning in a delusion of the possibility of Shouyou still being alive. Earlier, it had always been in the back of his mind, like a silly thought; sometimes he’d relied on it more just to keep breathing in this awful world, but now he believed it was the truth. Maybe it was only his truth, maybe he'd gone mad, but he had never held onto anything so strongly. Since his fight with Gintoki, when the crows had shown up and he could finally reach them, he’d believed with his whole heart that Shouyou was still alive. Everything seemed to confirm this idea.

That was why Takasugi had to live.

To kill the crows, judge the heavens and bring Shouyou back.

He stood up. He needed to wake up, no matter how pleasant this dream was. He was so close to reaching his goal. He couldn't stop now.

"And what would you do if I still existed somewhere out there?" Shouyou asked.

Takasugi stopped. "I would find you." The answer was almost too easy. His heart wasn't complicated. It had always yearned for one thing only.

"I may not be myself anymore."

"Then I will bring you back."

"No matter the cost?"

"No matter." He looked back at him and smiled. "I think it's my time to save you."  
And again, his real body was fighting off his dream. Couldn't he even wake up on his terms?

He was falling.

And he couldn’t do anything about it. He had to wake up. He had to…

This time, Shouyou wouldn’t catch him. He wouldn't help him. He wouldn’t be there if he woke up.

Takasugi didn’t want that. He could get crushed on whatever, but he didn’t want to leave him.

He fell to the ground. It didn't hurt. It was more like someone had put him there. But he could feel he was in a place different from the one he was seeing. The ground under him was harder than this flowerbed. Then he felt something soft and familiar on him.

Takasugi didn't know what was happening.

He could still see Shouyou. He tried to reach out to him. He didn't want to leave him. He wanted to stay.

"Fight, if you want to," he heard Shouyou say.

He wanted to fight, he wanted to wake up, he needed to wake up. But at the same time, he was grasping at any trace of the dream, as if he’d been pulled underwater and he was fighting for one more breath. For one more second with him.

It wasn’t meant for him. Everything turned black. And when he used all his strength to open his eye again, he could only see a grey sky and rocks.

Flowers and loved ones weren't meant for him. Only heavy skies, wastelands and battles full of corpses and blood.

He felt wet drops on his cheek.

Rain?

The sky looked heavy, so it was probable.

His body ached. Had he fallen? From where? From that heavy sky?

He noticed Matako. She was silently crying over him. Mourning him.

There was no need to worry. He wouldn't die. He would never stop. He would fight till he reached his goals.

He had to kill the crows, judge the heavens and bring back his master.

And maybe after that, he would be able to sleep in with his lover on that flowery lea.

Maybe...


End file.
